Yes, you read that title right: Communication Lessons from MTV’s “Jersey Shore.”

I’m a bit embarrassed to admit this, but I am kinda addicted to the show (and yes, I have blogged about it before). It’s my chance to observe a unique subculture from the safety of my own home. I feel like Jane Goodall observing chimpanzees in their natural habitat, only with less fear of having feces thrown at me. Only slightly less.

While watching the show, I realized that there are some things we can all learn from the interactions of the characters. I know it sounds crazy to pull communication lessons from a show where people communicate worse than Darth Vader trying to give an employee constructive criticism. But think about it this way: did you ever take a Driver’s Ed or Health class where they showed movies of awful car crashes with mangled vehicles and bloody roads to convince you not to drink and drive? That’s what this is like. You can learn a lot from observing the wrong way of doing things.

For those of you not watching – and frankly, for the sake of your brain cells, social skills, and the future of humanity, I hope that’s most of you – let me summarize the situation:

Whoops, that’s not the situation, that’s “the Situation,” as in Mike, “the Situation” Sorrentino. Yes, he refers to himself as “the Situation.” He also refers to his abs as “the Situation.” He also refers to various situations as “the Situation.” He basically uses the word “Situation” wherever he can. It’s like the Smurfs, only instead of blue, industrious, and friendly, he’s orange, dumb, and horny.

Smurfy!

The Situation is projected to earn 5 Million Dollars this year, will appear on Dancing with the Stars, and received a 6 figure advance for his autobiography. I, on the other hand, am projected to earn $72.01, hope to appear for free for three minutes at a local open mic, and am working to self-publish my next book. If you ever needed an argument against Karma, this is it. But I digress…

Here’s our story so far:

On season 1, Ronnie and Sammi starting dating. In between season 1 and 2 they broke up. Reunited back in the house for season 2, they get back together. Sort of. You see, every night at the clubs when Sammi’s not there, Ronnie dances, grinds, hooks up with, and gets phone numbers from various women. Then he comes home and sleeps with Sam (the technical Jersey Shore term for that apparently is “smushing.” Which, if you think about it, is simultaneously accurate and disgusting…).

Everyone else in the house knows Ronnie is doing this but no one is telling Sam, even when she asks them straight out. Two of the girls in the house, J-Woww and Snooki (I don’t make these names up people, I just report on them), write Sammi an anonymous note and leave it in her bedroom. They wrote an anonymous note because they:

1. Were afraid to tell her directly
2. Didn’t want Ronnie to find out that they spilled the beans to Sammi

An anonymous note?!? There are only 8 people in the house. Only two of them, Snooki and J-Woww, are tight friends with Sammi. Do they honestly believe people in the house won’t know???

Last week’s episode left off with Sammi pissed at Ronnie and both Sammi and Ronnie trying to figure out who wrote the note. Wow, these remedial Encyclopedia Browns make Inspector Cluseau look like Hercule Poirot. (To be fair, Ronnie did read the note and assume it was J-Woww and not Snooki because the note contained the word “wisely.” To this Ronnie said, “Snooki don’t use words like that.” That’s both clever and hilarious).

Not the brightest bulbs... Tip: If you want to feel smarter about yourself, watch this video

Just based on the fact that you are reading a blog like this (or more correctly, based on the fact that you are reading anything at all), I am going to assume that you are smarter than the average Jersey Shore cast member. But like I said, sometimes you can learn a lot from watching the worst case scenario…

Here then are three communication lessons you can learn from MTV’s Jersey Shore:

Have the Hard Conversation

You gotta have those tough conversations

A lot of the drama on the show comes from the fact that nobody is willing to have the hard conversation and do what’s right. The girls don’t want to talk to Sammi because she’ll be upset, and they’re afraid Ronnie will find out and get pissed. Oh well, them’s the breaks. Sometimes you have to have the hard conversations.

I recently came across the following Colin Powell quote: “Being responsible sometimes means pissing people off.” There’s a lot of truth to those words, and the Jersey Shore people could have really used that lesson. Not that I believe the Jersey Shore housemates are familiar with the sayings of Colin Powell. I would bet at least 25% of them have no idea who Colin Powell is. At least one of them would assume “Colin Powell” is a procedure to fix a gastrointestinal problem.

If you are content to slink in the background, add stress to your life, allow your friends to get taken advantage of, and basically let life push you around, then sure, avoid those hard conversations.

For the rest of us, who would like to live good lives filled with happiness and good relationships, we need to have those hard talks from time to time.

Don’t get me wrong; they suck! But in the long run they are well worth the effort.

Be Mad About the Right Thing

There is more stupid anger on this show than just about anywhere else

What strikes me as ridiculous, whether on the Jersey Shore show or anywhere in life, is how people who are doing something wrong will get crazy upset at others for not helping them get away with it. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

If you cheat on your girlfriend in front of everyone, including your girlfriend’s friends, then you are an idiot and you deserve to get caught. Sure, you can rely on the fear your ‘roided up muscles instill in the witnesses, but at some point it’s going to come out. Stop being so pissed at people for reporting your infidelity and start living like a better human being.

If you want to lie, cheat, and steal, go for it, but realize that at some point someone with a little moral integrity is going to come along and not get sucked into your web of deceit.

The lesson here goes beyond covering up infidelity though; it’s about taking responsibility for your own success and failure.

Have you ever lost a sale and then been really angry at the prospect because, “they just didn’t get it”? Or gotten mad at an audience for not responding well to your presentation? Or been pissed at a client for not loving your work? Don’t be mad; take responsibility, fix the situation (not “the Situation”) and work hard to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

This is not to say that sometimes clients and others are never wrong (they often are), nor is it to say that you should beat yourself up when things don’t go well. Just stop directing anger at other people and start taking responsibility by controlling the one thing you can control: your own actions.

Think Big Picture

Someday these people will have children. And those children will want answers...

Here’s what’s astonishing about all these people trying to keep secrets from each other: They’re being filmed!! At some point, Sammi is going to see the show and know Ronnie was hooking up with other women. At some point, Ronnie is going to watch and know J-Woww and Snooki wrote the note. At some point, these people’s children will have to work very, very hard to make sure their friends never see what their parents did “back in the day.”

We can only assume one of two things is going on:

1. They forget they’re on TV
2. They don’t care, and only want to make decisions to get them through the short term.

Either way, it’s dumb, dumb, dumb…

If your goal is to have a good old party time and hook up with lots of people and not worry about it, then sure, think short term. But for most of your communication and relationship decisions, you are much better off keeping the big picture in perspective.

Don’t make stupid short terms decisions that will bite you later on. Don’t lie to save yourself 5 minutes of discomfort now and have it result in potentially year long problems later (not to mention the added stress of maintaining the lie).

When you feel tempted to take the easy road, pause, breath, think, and remember the big picture. If your short term relief is going to lead to long term pain, then rethink your plan.

Even if you never watch the show, these are three communication lessons you can take away to reduce your stress, increase your effectiveness, and stay on the track to success. Try them the next time you are faced with a tough communication situation, or happen to meet “the Situation,” and you will be well on you way to making better decisions than J-Woww, Snooki, et al.

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Are you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Motivational Humorist page now!

I heard about this on the radio this morning, and had to see it for myself. I wanted to share the video with you because…well…I don’t really know. But I figure if I have to have this taking up valuable real estate in my mind, so too should you. Plus, it makes me giggle…

I guess this is art. At least according to the MoMA.

Silly as the “performance” is, somehow, somebody gave Yoko Ono the greenlight to perform this live. How did that happen?

I call it the “Yoko Ono” effect, and it’s a result of two factors:

1. Knowing that there’s a market for anything
2. With a Strong Platform You Can Write Your Own Ticket

Let’s take a look at these two ideas…

Knowing That There’s a Market for Anything

There is probably somebody right now thinking I am a philistine for not appreciating the brilliance of this performance piece. If this is your thing, more power to you. Just realize that I will never take a road trip with you when you have control over the stereo.

The bigger picture is that no matter what you like to do, there are probably people out there who:

1. Have an interest in it too
2. Would be willing to pay money for it

Keep in mind, some interests are going to be much less easy or lucrative than other. “Voice Piece for Soprano” by Yoko Ono is not going to be quite the same success that “Hey Jude” is. At least not until the seventh seal is broken and Brian Boitano goes ice skating on the river Styx. I’m just sayin’…

I realize that the people watching Yoko in the video probably didn’t pay to see her, and the MoMA may not have paid her, but look in your alternative newspaper for what’s going on around town on the weekend and I bet you will find plenty of very “niche” shows that some people are paying to go see.

Whatever you do or want to do, go find your people, go find your market, and go be happy. And please, if you plan on screaming and gyrating in public and calling it “art,” do it far away from me…

With a Strong Platform You Can Write Your Own Ticket

Let’s be honest: if you walked up to the director of the MoMA, said, “I have this great piece of performance art,” and then started screaming and convulsing like Linda Blair in the Exorcist, not only would he not sign you up to perform, he would probably also kick you in the groin. Ironically, the sounds emerging from your mouth both pre and post groin kick would be eerily similar…

Yoko Ono gets to perform this…er…let’s call it a “piece”…because she’s Yoko Ono. She has a name, a following, and a platform. Who she is matters more than what she does.

This is the same reason that:

• Mike “the Situation” Sorrentino from Jersey Shore gets a 6 figure book advance
• Paris Hilton gets to act (if you can call it acting)
• The “Countess” Luann de Lesseps from “Real Housewives of NYC” gets to produce a song

The list of people with no talent in a field who get much farther in that field simply because they have a platform goes on and on. Checkout the Countess’s song:

Don’t be depressed by this – learn from it! Build your own platform. Seth Godin calls this a Tribe. Build a following of people who love what you do and will support you by:

• Buying your stuff
• Recommending you to others
• Forwarding on your videos and articles
• Speak about you without prompting
• And so on

You don’t need a huge platform; it just needs to be big enough to support your needs. Some people have a strong platform in a small industry (I have a friend who is known as the person to set up Museum Shop displays for special exhibits), a small geography (be the full service medical practice in Dayton, TN) or a small online community (having an email list of only 1000 people is fine if everyone of them is a True Fan).

With technology today, there are so many ways you can build your platform:

• Build a blog
• Run a great online or offline newsletter
• Get on YouTube and post a ton of useful videos
• Network like crazy and get to know everyone
• Speak everywhere you can in your particular industry or geographical area
• Write a book (or multiple books)
• Do PR like crazy

Of course all these things take time, and you have to do them well, but they are worth it. Once you have a solid platform of people who love your stuff, no matter how “niche” or weird it might be, life gets much easier and doors open up to you. You just have to be willing to put in the work up front.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an audience waiting for me to scream into a microphone while gyrating like John Hurt before an alien bursts from his chest…

***
Are you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Motivational Humorist page now!
 

Have you ever overslept, then woken up in a panic and scrambled to get to work on time? Did that oversleeping cost you ten million dollars? No? Then consider yourself lucky.

Last week, golfer Jim Furyk was disqualified from the Barclay’s golf tournament because he missed his tee time by a few minutes.

The reason he missed the tee time? He overslept.

The reason he overslept? He was using his cell phone as his alarm clock, and the battery died so the alarm never rang.

My goodness. One dead cell phone battery leads to a few minutes of tardiness, and now he has severely hurt his chances to win a $10 million prize. That comes out to something like $2,500,000 per minute. Or $41,666.67 per second.

Most. Expensive. Sleep. Ever!

Any sane person reading this will think to themselves, “how on Earth could a person do that? Why didn’t he have a backup plan??”

Good question, and one I asked myself too, until I thought more about it and realized that many of us, in many situations, tend to ignore backup plans. It’s easy to assume things will go exactly as we intend – but as we all know, Ding Happens!

Lest you fall into the trap of assuming that everything will go as planned (and then get screwed when they don’t), here are three ways you can prepare yourself to deal with life’s unexpected hiccups:

Check Your Equipment!

If your cell phone dies because you forgot to charge it, well, that's your own fault...

Technology is not infallible. Far from it. If you are going to use your cell phone as an alarm clock, especially before a big event, check the battery first. Or leave it plugged in overnight. Just do whatever you need to to make sure it works.

In the same way, double check all your equipment before major events. Get that little rattle you hear from car fixed before your road trip. Test your PowerPoint on the actual laptop you will be using in your presentation. Double check your bag and make sure you have everything packed that you need for your business trip.

Checking equipment isn’t hard, it’s just something we need to remember to do. Make it a habit and you will cut down on the number of headaches you have to deal with.

Use Backups!

Have a backup, in case the first one breaks down (note: throwing your hands up and complaining is not a backup plan)

Here’s the obvious lesson from this story: Use backups! Furyk had many backup options. He could have set an alarm clock. He could have had a wake up call. He could have had a friend check on him. Unfortunately for him, he didn’t do any of those things. He put all of his eggs into one cellular basket, and that led to disaster.

I speak on the importance and power of having the ability to improvise. However, just because you can improvise doesn’t mean that you should use that as an excuse to not prepare!

You don’t have to stress over every little thing that might go wrong, but at least consider the few major potentialities and create backups for those.

For example, in my motivational speeches and workshops I use a bell. It’s a fairly critical piece of my presentation (watch this video to see what I mean). When I travel, I take two bells in case one breaks. I also take a physical copy of my handout even if I sent over a copy to the planner to make copies in advance, just in case they didn’t make copies for me. If I ever use PowerPoint (I try to avoid it like Paris Hilton avoids smart decisions) I would take a copy on a USB drive even if I previously emailed the presentation to my client.

Create backups for your critical items and activities. Not only will you cover your butt in case of a problem, but you’ll also be less stressed because you know that you’ve got it handled.

Know Thyself!

Take a look in the mirror - you know what you need to worry about

Oversleeping is not usually a problem for me. I am a light enough sleeper that even quiet alarms will wake me up. And, for important events, I often wake up before the alarm goes off (of course, even though I know this I still set back up alarms, just in case).

On the other hand, I know some people who sleep like the dead. You could send a marching band into their bedroom and they wouldn;t budge. They are the ones who need to set multiple alarms and have backup plans (like a good friend with a pitcher of ice water…).

Self-awareness is an important skill, and one of the things that separates us from the evil sentient robots (for now). You know your strengths and weaknesses better than anybody, so there is no excuse for you to not set up plans and backups to deal with your weaknesses.

The next time you have an important event in your life, don’t make the same mistake Jim Furyk made. Check your equipment, use backups, and know your weaknesses! A little bit of prep and thought can prevent a lot of problems (and save you $10,000,000!)

***
Are you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Motivational Humorist page now!

I was recently interviewed by Brett Clay, author of Selling the Change, on his radio show, “The Actuation Zone”!

The interview went great. In fact, here is what Brett emailed to me afterward:

“This is my favorite interview! First, I am drinking the Koolaide on how applicable and valuable are your improve techniques. Second, I guess the interview really shows how your improve techniques really work. …You said “Yes, and…” to every comment and question I had—and the interview just flowed.”

Brett is a great guy and host, and it turns out we share a lot of opinions on things. Take a listen for yourself (you can listen on-line or download the MP3)”

Listen to Avish’s interview with Brett Clay on the Actuation Zone!

Pop quiz: What band wrote the following songs:

• Working Man
• Fly By Night
• La Villa Strangiato
• Far Cry
• Show Don’t Tell
• Subdivisions
• Tom Sawyer

If you answered, “Rush” congratulations! You win a hearty smile of approval from me. If you answered, “I have no idea,” then go watch the videos on this page now! Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, just go now!

Long time (and perhaps short time) readers of this blog know that Rush is my favorite band of all time. “Why,” you ask? For one reason: Because RUSH IS AWESOME!!!

The melodies are amazing, the musicianship is unparalleled, the lyrics are fantastic and thought provoking, and they are still the only band, who, every time I see them, makes me feel, for lack of a better tern, “inspired.” Just. Too. Good.

I recently had the immense pleasure of seeing Rush in concert from the 16th row! This was one hell of an experience – it cost a bit of money, but it was well worth it. I can definitely cross one item off my “bucket list.”

This tour was partly to promote Rush’s new documentary, “Beyond the Lighted Stage.” To prepare for the concert, I made a point to watch the documentary first. You can see the trailer here:

The documentary is awesome, and I learned quite a few things about Rush that I did not know. I also came across some things that really made me think.

You can not deny Rush’s talent, longevity, and business success. Whether you love their music or hate it, you would be a fool not to follow their example. Here are three lessons we can all learn from Rush:

Maintain Your Authenticity

Alex Lifeson

Their label came to their manager and demanded that the next album feature only shorter radio friendly songs. Wanting to keep the label happy, the manager said, “of course! Absolutely that’s what they’ll do!”

The three members of Rush then got together and had a talk about it. They ultimately said, “We’d rather go back to our old jobs than write music we don’t want to write. Let’s just write what we want.”

Rather than producing an album of short songs, Rush came out with “2112.” 2112 was a record who’s entire side one was one song – almost 20 minutes long! And it’s awesome too – check out the opening:

History now shows that this was a brilliant move. 2112 went on to be a huge hit – spurred on by just word of mouth since radios couldn’t play the song! Geddy Lee says, “2112 gave us free reign to do whatever we wanted after that.”

It can be so easy to get steered off course, to do something you don’t believe in, or to compromise on your dream just to make a few bucks or please someone else. But the path to true greatness lies in being true to yourself.

This is not to say that compromise is never the answer. You just need to decide what you really want and what you are really willing to do to get it. Rush’s gambit worked because a) they are really good at what they do b) they worked very hard to make 2112 great and c) they were truly willing to put it all on the line; it wasn’t a false decision.

When it comes to your dreams and goals, are you staying true to yourself? Are you willing to forgo short term gains for long term success? You can make money a lot of different ways, but there is only one way to being truly happy, and that is to maintain your authenticity.

Keep Improving

Neil Peart

You know what he did after 20 years of being at the top of the game? He studied with jazz instructor Freddie Gruber to revamp his style!

Yup. In 1974 he joined Rush. He won Modern Drummer Magazine’s “Best Drummer” awards in 1980, 1981, 1982, 1983, 1984, 1985, and 1986. After winning all those, in 1994 he decided to “revamp” his style. (For a more complete list of his awards, check out the awards section on his Wikipedia page.)

Take a look at the master at work:

Astonishing. Here is a man (and a band) that understands the concept of constant improvement. How many bands fade into the background because they never learn or grow? Not only do the fans lost interest, but the band members themselves can get bored with it.

Are you constantly improving in your business and life? No matter how awesome you are, or whether you are at the top of your industry, are you still pushing yourself to learn more, be better, and try new things? If Neil Peart can go study with a jazz drummer after 20 years, I think we all could stand to improve our game a bit too.

Clean Living Helps

Geddy Lee

Sounds dorky right?

Well, consider this: They have been together over 30 years, have 19 studio albums (the 20th is coming out in 2011), 24 gold records, 14 platinum records, and their sales put them behind only the Beatles and Rolling Stones for most consecutive gold or platinum studio albums by a rock band. They have never broken up, and no one has had to go to jail or rehab.

In a world where so many bands infight, break up, go to jail, get addicted to booze and drugs, etc., it’s great to see what simple “clean living” can do.

I am assuming you are not a hard core drug user, so what does this lesson have to do with you? Simply that clean living matters.

As I get older, I notice this more and more. A few drinks with dinner the night before and I am sluggish the next morning. Eat a bad lunch, and all I want to do is nap in the afternoon. Go too long without any kind of exercise (even a walk) and my productivity drops.

In order to achieve your goals, you need clarity of mind and energy! If you are content to wake up, shamble off to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed, and repeat, then this point doesn’t matter. But if you want to experience more of life than that, then a little clean living can go a long way.

I am not saying you should never indulge (believe me, I am the last person who would ever say that!) Just do it intelligently, and keep in mind what over indulgence may cost you in the long term.

There you have it. Three great life and business lessons from the bes band ever. If you have an even remote interest in Rush (or in things that are AWESOME!!!) I highly recommend you check out “Beyond the Lighted Stage” now!

P.S. For you rush neophytes, I created an “Intro to Rush” YouTube playlist for your listening (and viewing) pleasure.

***
Are you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Motivational Humorist page now!
 

I have a new demo video for my keynote speaking business! This one does a great job of capturing my energy, humor, and crowd interaction. Check it out:

(If you would like a similar video for your speaking business, drop me a line and I will out you in touch with my Amanda, my video editor)

A Small Favor!

Like most independent business professionals, the lifeblood of my business is word of mouth and referral marketing. Since you just watched my video, I would very much appreciate it if you could take a moment and think about anyone who might like to bring this type of humor, energy, and message to their event…

Since it can be hard to think of exactly who would be a good contact, here are three questions that may help you think of some people who would be a good fit.

• Are you a member of any associations? If so, a conference committee member or board member is a great contact.
• Are you close to anyone (family member, friend, colleague) who belongs to an association or attends conferences?
• Do you know anyone who is a meeting planner, director of communication, VP of Sales/Marketing, or serves on a conference committee at any organization?

If you asnwered “yes” to any of the above, I would appreciate if you would send them to my Motivational Humorist Page so they can see the video and decide for themselves!

Thanks!
Avish

Are you impatient? I am (or at least I can be). Impatience in and of itself is not a bad thing. It all comes down to how you deal with it…

There is a weird phenomenon that occurs on city streets while people are waiting for the bus. They will not only stand on the corner and gaze in the direction from which the bus is coming, but they will also on occasion step into the street to get a better look!

This may not sound like a big deal until you realize that streets happen to be things that cars drive on…when a pedestrian pops into the street to look for a bus, well, you suddenly have to be very careful to not run them over.

This happens to me all the time. There I am, minding my own business, driving down a narrow one lane city street with cars parked on both sides, when up ahead of me some dude steps out into the street and starts looking in my direction to see if he can see the bus.

Logic would dictate that once he a) didn’t see the bus or b) saw my car approaching him that he would then step back up on to the sidewalk, right? Right???

Wrong (my first mistake was assuming logic ever dictates anything when it comes to how people behave…).

For some reason this dude will not budge. He’ll keep looking down the street like Linus looking for the Great Pumpkin. He’s oblivious to my car and the impending doom it represents. I have to slow down to “old man walking with a cane” speed to make sure I can navigate around him. When I drive past him he doesn’t even notice that he is in the way of traffic. I am torn between the temptation to teach him a lesson by hitting him and the desire to not commit vehicular manslaughter. I opt for the latter…

What is this person thinking?? You are stepping out into on coming traffic just to see if the bus is coming! Guess what Einstein? Whether you look or not, it doesn’t make any difference! You stopping up traffic helps nothing…

I get it, you're impatient. Find better ways to deal

I feel qualified to rant on this because I have not only been the person driving through the city, but I have also been the person waiting for the bus. I know how frustrating it can be when you are late for something and the bus just doesn’t seem to come. I once waited half an hour for a bus that is supposed to come every ten minutes. It sucks. But, having a modicum of intelligence, I understand the difference between things I can do that matter and things I an do that don’t. Stepping out into the middle of the street to see if this bus is coming is clearly one of those things that doesn’t matter.

At the heart of this problem is impatience and a lack of good strategies to deal with things we can’t control. Maybe stepping into the road isn’t a huge deal (though I think it is). But the same impatience can lead to other, more destructive behaviors. Avoiding impatient stupidity is a critical skill that far to many people seem to lack.

Here are five lessons you can takeaway from these bus anticipators, even if you never take public transportation anywhere.

Accept What Is

Your impatience changes nothing. Learn to accept what is

This may fly in the face of “The Secret,” but guess what? You can not make the bus show up faster by looking for it!

Whether you stare down the street, pace around like a mad person, mumble and rant to the other poor sap who is minding his own business while waiting for the bus (yes, this has happened to me), or just stand there reading a magazine,, the bus is going to come when it comes.

If you rant, rave, and start doing useless things in an attempt to exert some control over the situation (like stepping into the street to get a better look for the bus), you are not accepting what is.

The same rule applies in every other area of your life. What is, is. You can not change it. You can, however, accept it, and then focus your attention on taking the actions to change your future. Just make sure those actions will actually accomplish something and won’t just be the metaphorical equivalent of stepping out into the street, looking for the bus.

First, Do No Harm

Take a page from the docs: first do no harm

Sadly, this point will be lost on most. If you are the type of person who will stand in the middle of traffic looking for a bus, you are probably not a person who cares all that much about inconveniencing others. Still, it’s worth a shot.

Beyond the realm of public transportation, where else are you letting your coping strategies (or lack thereof) negatively affect the world around you? Is your ranting creating a negative energy in your office? Does your impatience ruin family outings? Do you know? Do you even care?

Use the Time to Practice

Practice with the small stuff so you're ready for the big stuff

This is hard to do when major stuff happens – losing a job, blowing a huge presentation, facing a terrible family illness, etc. One of the best ways to be prepared to do this when the big stuff happens is to practice with the little stuff!

A late bus is a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things. This is a perfect small “Ding” to practice letting go, not stressing, and focusing on the things you can control. Them, when the big stuff comes along you will at least have some experience with letting things go.

Prepare

Do some work, talk on the phone, play with your umbrella - whatever floats your boat...

If I have to wait for a bus, I don’t want to stand their doing nothing. This might make me fidgety and antsy to a point where I get stupid and start stepping out into the middle of the street to see if the bus is coming. By having some good stuff to listen to on my Zune, I can while away hours while others fume.

I am astonished by how many people enter situations where they know there is a high possibility that they will have to wait but they still don’t prepare and bring anything along. Waiting rooms, airports, the DMV, etc.

If you are the type of person who can meditate on your own thoughts, good for you. But if you are prone to agitation, then I highly suggest you anticipate those situations and travel with some work or entertainment.

Focus on What Matters

Don't rant and rave. Consider an alternative - like a taxi

Is there useful action that could be taken there? Perhaps. You could call and let people know you will be a few minutes late. You could take a cab. You could call a friend for a ride. Heck, you could start walking down the bus route (i.e. where it will take you after it picks you up) – that still accomplishes almost nothing, but at least you will be burning off your energy without hindering anyone else. Plus, if the bus never comes, you will eventually get to your destination!

What if there is nothing useful you can do? For example, if you are in an airport and your flight is delayed 45 minutes, you can’t do much but wait the additional 45 minutes. In that case focus on how you can use your time in either a fun or productive way. Read a good book. Do some work. Make a phone call and catch up with an old friend. Do anything that makes some good use of the time, but for the love of God, please don’t start mumbling and complaining to the people next to you – no on cares about your important flight and we’re all in the same boat together!

Impatience is a major problem in the world today. We have been trained as a society to want things now! Right away! no delay! Speed of delivery is a good thing, but when you get impatient, think about how you are expressing that impatience to yourself and the world around you. If you are being negative, infringing on others, or doing something stupid, then it may be time to rethink your strategy.

And whatever you do, please, don’t step into the road to look for the bus!!

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Are you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Motivational Humorist page now!
 

Want to be considered a strong leader without having to go through all the work of actually knowing what you’re doing? It may be easier than you think…

I am currently reading The Invisible Gorilla by Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simmons. The book is about how our perception and intuition are far more unreliable than we’d like to believe. One of the chapters is on “the illusion of confidence,” and one of the primary lessons of that chapter is that people tend to believe and follow confident people, but that confidence and real ability are usually unrelated.

This is a powerful idea that can work for or against you. If you want people to follow you, you can use this idea to your advantage. However, if you don’t watch out for it, others can use it to get you to go along with things you don’t want.

I have encountered some “blustery blowhards” in my day. These are people who express an opinion very different than yours but they do it with such overconfidence that you find yourself going along with them, either because a) they are so confident that you start to believe they are right, b) you figure giving in is easier than arguing or c) you don’t know; for some reason that you can’t describe you just go along with them.

For example, I was once at a dinner with a group of people who didn’t know each other well. At the start of the night, one attendee proclaims, “let’s order a few appetizers for the table.” I wasn’t a fan of this idea because, at the end of the night, everyone was supposed to “pay what they owe.” Uh oh…

Some people have a hard enough time throwing in the proper amount of money at the end of dinner. They’ll forget about their own drinks…or tax…or tip…or some side dish they got. Evidently basic memory skills and third grade math go out the window once you enter “the real world.” If you throw “appetizers for the table” into the mix, well, that’s like asking a child to explain particle physics. Synapses fry, minds go blank, and you can pretty much guarantee that someone will shortchange you. As I was one of the organizers of this dinner, guess who got to deal with it if the bill came up short…?

Plus, if you get “appetizers for the table” do you split the appetizer bill evenly, even if some people don’t have any? Do you then keep track of who partook of the food and only charge them? What about the person who took a nibble, “just to try it”? Do you monitor how much each person ate and then ask them to contribute accordingly? “Gee Stan, you had 23% of the fried calamari appetizer, so you should pay 23% of the cost.”

Sure, it's all fun and games until the check comes...

Oddly though, since this person made the suggestion a) before anyone else suggested anything, b) matter of factly, and c) confidently, as if it was the obvious thing we should do, everyone, including myself, went along with it. I didn’t want to, but I found myself acquiescing. How very odd…

Sure enough, at the end of the night the bill came and we were short some money. After a few reminders of, “don’t forget about your drinks!” and “remember tax and tip!” and “keep in mind, we had the appetizer too!” along with some people just throwing in extra money, we managed to to cover the bill without having to hire an external auditor to review our dinner tab.

In the grand scheme of things, this dinner was small potatoes (Ha! Get it? “dinner” “potatoes”…). It came out to a few extra minutes and a few extra bucks. However, the phenomenon of following a person’s lead just because they speak first and speak loud can be dangerous. You may find yourself going along with projects, initiatives, and decisions that you don’t agree with and that don’t serve you.

In The Invisible Gorilla, the authors cite a study where a group of students had to work together to solve a math problem. The groups were videotaped and afterward the tapes were reviewed to see who the group leader was. In all the cases, both experts and casual observers agreed on who took the leadership role. You might assume that the best math student would become the leader, but this was not the case. There was actually no correlation between group leadership and math ability. According to the book, “They became leaders by strength of personality rather than strength of ability.”

This study also found that the way the students took a leadership role wasn’t by being overbearing, but simply by speaking first! In 94% of the cases, the answer the group provided was the same as the first one suggested!

Beyond dinner bills and math problems, there are three lessons you can take away from this:

Resist a Bad Leader: Don’t Be Bullied by the Loud Mouth

Don't give in to the bully. Even if he has bad breath

Just because someone is acting like they want to be the leader doesn’t mean they should be. If you are ok with them in charge, that’s fine. But if you get the sense that they are taking the lead just because they are acting confident (or because no one else wants it) then it’s your responsibility to step up and voice your mind.

The easiest way of course is to speak up early so you look like a leader too. Or at least you don’t let the other person automatically take the leadership role unopposed.

If that doesn’t work, or it’s too late to do that, don’t be afraid to disagree or say, “no.” Do it calmly and logically, but don’t go along with someone just because they are acting more confident than you. If I had simply done that at my dinner, I could have saved myself some headache at the end of the night.

Be a Leader: Speak Up!

Open your mouth and be heard!

This is not to say that you should spout off at the mouth if you don’t know what the heck you are talking about. But if you have knowledge, experience, opinions, etc, don’t sit there with your mouth shut trying to “get the lay of the land.” Open your mouth and be heard.

Be a GOOD Leader: Be Inclusive

Include the shy and hesitant people - they may have the answer you need

Ask them. Get a sense of when they are holding back or when they are being intimidated by the stronger members of the group. A good leader knows the strengths of his group and is able to use all of it.

Remember, confidence and ability have been shown to be unrelated. Just because someone is hesitant to share doesn’t mean that their answer is bad. They may very well have the best idea of anyone in the group.

The next time you find yourself in a group without a clear leader, keep these ideas in mind. Be aware of the blustery blowhard who may be confident without ability. And if you have the ability, speak up, speak first, and speak loud – you deserve it!

Motivationl Humorist
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Are you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Motivational Humorist page now!
 

Last night was the second season premiere of that affront to sensibility, MTV’s “Jersey Shore.” If you haven’t seen this show, I highly advise you check it out for two reasons:

1. It is incredibly entertaining to watch other people do, say, and think stupid things.
2. You will feel much, much, much better about your own life, no matter who you are or what’s going on with you.

In honor of the new season, Here’s a link to an article I wrote last year during Season one: Business and Life Lessons from MTV’s “Jersey Shore”

Enjoy!

P.S. If you have noticed a few reposts and short articles recently, that’s because I have had a crazy travel schedule. Things are a bit calmer now, so next week we should return to a regular posting schedule.

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Are you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Motivational Humorist page now!
 

This past weekend I did a keynote for the National Association for Court Management. A few people “live tweeted” the speech, and I took a look at the Tweets afterward. It is pretty interesting to see what other people pull out of your speech as the most “Tweet-worthy.”

I have listed all the tweets regarding my speech below. This is basically a summary of my main points from my audience’s perspective. You might find some useful lessons and solid reminders to help you react when Ding Happens. The Tweets are listed chronologically (though my favorite is, I am crying so hard I cant tweet. So funny.).

Note #1: If any of the Tweets jump out at you as something you would like more info on, let me know in the comments or email me and I will write a future blog post on it!

Note #2: For more info about my keynote presentations, check out my Motivational Humorist Page.

Note #3: If you are not yet following me on Twitter, you can do so by clicking here.

Ding! Happens Live Tweets:

• Avish Parashar beginning keynote address after NACM business meeting concluded.
   
• NACM volunteer rings bell to help Avish improv.
   
• how well do you deal when the unexpected occurs?
   
• principle 1 – let go on what you can’t control and just do what you can control.
   
• the only thing you can control oftentimes is your response
   
• We can’t control situations but we can control our reactions to those situations.
   
• people will do stupid things you can’t control
   
• I am crying so hard I cant tweet. So funny.
   
• when “ding” happens don’t honk the horn.
   
• focus on what you can control, leave the rest
   
• remember to think about the big picture.
   
• it’s important to have a good attitude, try and be willing to make mistakes
   
• pbt – pause, breathe, think
   
• What is the big picture when something goes wrong? You need to pause, breathe, and think before reacting.
   
• ding can come on big and small sizes
   
• sometimes unexpected events are exactly what you need
   
• when ding happens, don’t say yes but….instead say yes and.
   
• When something unexpected happens, step back, regroup, refocus, and respond by thinking “yes, and…”
   
• Responding to situations using “yes,and” builds collaboration and positive energy.
   
• action always beats inaction
   
• Action always beats inaction.
   

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Are you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Motivational Humorist page now!