Customer Service Credo: Deeds, Not Words

Written customer service policies are usually a terrible thing. Why? Because most companies that have a written policy tend to deliver service that is the complete opposite of what the policy states. The written policy just adds insult to the injury of bad, bad service.

Before I share my tale of customer service woe, let’s take a walk down memory lane…

In the early 80′s there was a really bad movie called “Megaforce.” How bad was it? Well, it has 2.5 star (out of 10) from IMDB users, and a 0% (from 7 reviews) on Rotten Tomatoes. It starred Barry “I’m the mayor of Spin City” Bostwick as the leader of a “phantom Army of super elite fighting men whose weapons are the most powerful science can devise.” Which is code for, “this movie is going to suck.” Check out the trailer:

I remember very little about the movie, but what I do remember is that for months every comic book I read (and I read many) had this ad on the back:

To this day, some 28 years later, I still remember the catch phrase:

“Deeds Not Words.”

I can’t tell you if they Megaforcians embodied this phrase or not, but I can say that is was a pretty awesome catchphrase (at least to my 9 year old easily impressionable mind).

I think, “Deeds not Words”, is a phrase that needs to come back into major use, not for an elite team of bad Chuck Norris action movie knockoffs, but rather for every company in the world that has a mission statement, or written customer service policy. Because frankly, most of them live by “words, not deeds.”

I had first hand experience with this recently when I had the unfortunate need to interact with my cable company (For the sake of discretion, I will leave the company unnamed. In this article, let’s call them “Uncaring Cable Giant,” or “UCG” for short. But you know who you are…).

I am sure many of you cringed when you read the words, “cable company.” It doesn’t matter whether you and I have have the same provider, or happen to live on opposite ends of the country, we all have the same experiences. The same bad, annoying, frustrating experiences.

This one wasn’t so terrible, but it did illustrate the “words, not deeds” approach so many companies seem to have.

I finally joined the 2000′s and upgraded from my old “tube TV” to a nice HDTV (whoohoo!). In order to use the HD services, I needed to update my DVR from a standard def to a hi-def box. This should have been a simple process (hehehe, famous last words when it comes to a cable company).

I went down to the office with my old box and traded it in for a new one. So far so good. Then the woman behind the counter hands me a piece of paper and says, “once you have it hooked up, call this 800 number to have it activated.”

Oh dear. Upon finding out that I would have to call the cable company, for anything at all, my stomach dropped. I had been down this road before, and it was not a pleasant drive.

Unfortunately, I had no choice (other than not upgrading my service, which would have defeated the purpose of getting the TV in the first place), so I went home and hooked up the new DVR. I then dialed the 800 number, was connected, had to listen to a minute’s worth of pitches and messages about calling another number for certain services, was put on hold, and then finally connected to someone.

The process of activating my box was pretty simple, but I was told I would have to wait 30-45 minutes for the box to download all the software I needed. I was also told that if I needed any help afterwards I should call the general cable support line. So I hung up and waited.

90 minutes later I tried to turn the box on, but it wasn’t working. Wonderful. But not surprising.

I called the support line I was told to call, was connected, had to listen to a minute’s worth of pitches and messages about calling another number for certain services, was put on hold, and then finally connected to someone.

This guy tried a few things from his end but quickly ran out of options. His best guess was for me to unplug the box and plug it back in. I quickly discovered this is just about the only thing on the support staff seems to now how to do. I did that but nothing seemed to happen.

At this point the support guy says, “um, well it looks like your box isn’t active. You’ll have to call the activation number again.”

Of course. Because God forbid a support person be able to offer support. And God forbid someone from one area of support be able to connect me to another area of support.

I called the first number again, was connected, had to listen to a minute’s worth of pitches and messages about calling another number for certain services, was put on hold, and then finally connected to someone.

This person first spent a minute trying to explain to me that I needed to call the support number (I think phone support techs from cable companies take a training class on “passing the buck.”). When I finally convinced her that I was supposed to be talking to her, she didn’t know what to do. Then I look up at my box and see that it is doing something. Evidentially whatever the last guy had me do seemed to be doing something, even though he didn’t know it.

The woman sounded relieved and said, “give it 45 minutes to download, then try it. If it doesn’t work, call back.” I have learned that the cable company’s support people are well trained in tactics that get you off the phone and waiting so that when you call back, you’ll be someone else’s problem.

About 45 minutes later I turn the TV on, and things seem to be working. Whoo-hoo! Until, that is, I pointed my remote at the cable box and pushed a button. When I did, nothing happened.

I called support again, was connected, had to listen to a minute’s worth of pitches and messages about calling another number for certain services, was put on hold, and then finally connected to someone.

To his credit, after a few minutes or trying different things, this guy was able to get my remote to work with the cable box. Finally, success! Until, that is, I hit the “DVR” button on my remote to try to record something…

When I did that, a message popped up that said, “DVR service unavailable. Your DVR service is either disabled or has not been activated. Please call 1-800-XXXXXXX for help.”

What.

The.

Heck?!?!

I call the number on the screen, was connected, had to listen to a minute’s worth of pitches and messages about calling another number for certain services, was put on hold, and then finally connected to someone.

I’ll give you one guess as to what this support person told me to do…yup, “unplug the box, wait a minute, plug it back in, and then wait 30 minutes. If it still doesn’t work, call back.”

Come on!! Are you kidding me?!?! The cable company could teach a class called, “Getting the Customer Off the Phone 101″!

I wait 45 minutes, turn everything back on, and sure enough, the message still pops up.

I call support again, was connected, had to listen to a minute’s worth of pitches and messages about calling another number for certain service, was put on hold, and then finally connected to someone.

This person was at least very straightforward and said, “We are going to send a tech out to look at it.” We made the appointment for two days later, but before getting off the call the phone support guy said, “I’ll try to reset your box from here again, but if that doesn’t work, the tech guy will fix it in two days.”

Once again (for like the 178th time now) I had to unplug my box, re-plug it in, and wait another 45 minutes.

After 45 minutes, I turned my TV on so I could check the DVR feature, and guess what? Nothing worked at all! That’s right, the box was completely not working. No DVR. No TV. No nothing. So….

I once again called support, was connected, had to listen to a minute’s worth of pitches and messages about calling another number for certain service, was put on hold, and then finally connected to someone.

This woman did get my TV back working (you know how? That’s right, I had to unplug the box, plug it back in, and wait 45 minutes) and confirmed my on site appointment.

Two days later, the cable guy show sup (only 10 minutes after the 2 hour window he was supposed to come in, so I consider myself lucky), and, after I explain the problem to him, he shakes his head and says, “gotta love UCG.” Yup. Gotta love UCG.

I greatly appreciated what this guy did – he didn’t mess around and call in to figure out the problem (in fact, he actually said, “I don’t want to call in and have to sit on hold.”). He went straight to a solution and just brought in a new cable box from his truck, swapped it with mine, set it up, and said, “that’s it, you’re good to go.”

I was shocked, mostly because he didn’t say, “you have to wait 45 minutes before you can use it.” This makes me even more convinced that that entire procedure of unplugging the box is just a way to get people off the phone.

Thankfully, everything still seems to be working fine, and I have not had to call the cable company in a week. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

Ah, the Irony…

The funniest things about this to me is that when I first went to the office, the company had emblazoned their “Customer Service Credo” across the wall:

“UCG will deliver a superior experience to our customers every day. Our products will be the best and we will offer the most customer-friendly and reliable service in the market.”

Um…ahem…let me see…how do I respond to that…? Oh wait, I know…

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phew, I am glad to have gotten that off my chest.

There is not a single person I know who uses that cable company who would not laugh out loud upon reading that “credo”

In fact, I posted on my Facebook wall, “What would your reaction be if I told you “UCG’s Credo” was “UCG will deliver a superior experience to our customers every day. Our products will be the best and we will offer the most customer-friendly and reliable service in the market.”?” to see people’s reactions. Here are some of the responses:

• “It should be “We will provide the best deals to new customers only. We will bill you incorrectly, in the hopes that you don’t notice. We promise to raise your price at the end of your promo, and make you call threatening to cancel if you want another deal, and we’ll make your phone experience so unpleasant that you won’t want to call and negotiate a new deal. So, just shut up and pay your bill. We’ll pretend like you didn’t call to cancel your service and keep billing you, and when you call about that, we act like we think you’re lying. We pledge to outsource our sales, so that when these outside people give you a good price, we can say that they didn’t have the authority to do so…” I could go on…”
   
• “Let’s put it this way: we were very excited when our neighborhood got Verizon Fios. However, I will say this: they were significantly better than the Optimum Online we had at our old house…”
   
• “I would laugh. And laugh loud. And I would reply with the following story: I interviewed at UCG for interactive media content producer. When I told the recruiter my ideas of innovative digital download models, and ways to create digital micro-transactions for UCG, he said to me (AND I QUOTE):
  “Yeahhh…. we’re really only interested in selling more DVR boxes to customers.”"
   

So it’s not just me. Really, almost every word in that credo, with the possible exception of “a,” “and,” and “the,” have no business being in there.

I don’t think UCG knows the meaning of the word “superior” or “experience.” I am pretty sure the primary criteria for getting a job at UCG is your ability to understand and say the phrase, “unplug your box, plug it back in, and wait 45 minutes.”

I realize when it comes to customer service, cable companies are easy targets (because…you know…they by and large suck at customer service). However, the situation of companies having written policies, credos, visions, etc on how they operate and how they serve their customers that are completely out of synch with their actions is not at all unique to cable companies.

There is a critical lesson about customer service and “written policies” that any business owner, CEO, customer service manager, or employee could take away from this. It is, to put it simply:

Deeds Not Words

That’s right, we’re going back to Megaforce. Even an awful 80′s movie starring Barry Bostwick that was geared towards children understands this simple principle. Nobody cares what you say; they only care what you do!

Remember:

Deeds, not words.

No one cares about your credo.

No one cares about your written customer service policy.

No one cares about your vision statement.

No one cares about your excuses.

People care about what you do. If what you do is “suck ass,” we’ll hate you and eventually find an alternative. If what you do is, “be awesome,” they’ll pay you for it even if you have no credo or written policy.

The next time you catch yourself talking about what you should be doing, or could be doing, ask yourself, “what did I actually do today to demonstrate that?”

Deeds, not words, my friends. Deeds, not words…

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